I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
