so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Alive.
So much puke
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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