I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
