Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
