Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
