why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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