I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
