I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
