Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
