I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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