I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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