I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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