Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He passed out mid-signature
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
