i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
