My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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