dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
