i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
