How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
