I must be too annoying 4 u.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
