I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
