OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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