Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
