i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
