I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
