His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
