Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
