I'm eating all of the evidence.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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