the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
