I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
