I cannot find my penis.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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