she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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