mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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