It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
