soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
