this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
