last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
