I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
