i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
