like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
