I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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