I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
