If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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