well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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