how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
