In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
