if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
