Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
