it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
