someone get that fucking seahorse.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
