I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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