I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize